A Person-Centred Approach – Three Core Conditions

My Journey to a Child Centred Approach

When I was at the University of Worcester studying my Foundation Degree I was blown away by the library. I seemed to have every book, on every subject at my fingertips and I soon found myself wondering out of the Early Years and Teaching Section of the library. I very quickly discovered and fell in love with the work of Carl Rogers and his Person-Centred Approach to Counselling. It totally changed my outlook on Early Years care and education as well as my own settings curriculum and ethos. The Person-Centred Approach was developed into a Child Centred Approach, and it underpinned all aspects of the setting.

A Person-Centred Approach

Person Centred Practice is an approach that puts the person at the centre, working with that person to help them achieve what they want. Person-centered therapy was pioneered by Carl Rogers in the early 1940s. This form of psychotherapy is grounded in the idea that people are inherently motivated toward achieving positive psychological functioning. The client is believed to be the expert in their life and leads the general direction of therapy, while the therapist takes a non-directive rather than a mechanistic approach.

I interpreted this Person-Centred Approach to counselling and adapted it into a Child Centred Approach. I believe that a child is inherently motivated to reach their unique full potential and with loving relationships and a positive and enriching environment every child can thrive. Every child is unique and special, and we should create an environment, routines and plans that allow them to challenge themselves, learn, develop and grow.

The approach uses three ‘core conditions’ to build a relationship built on trust and positivity. These ‘core conditions’ are empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard. Rogers identifies six core conditions in total but saw these three conditions as useful for any interpersonal relationship. Rogers believed that by providing these core conditions, people would grow and develop and help themselves to succeed.

He asked the question, “How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his personal growth?” (Rogers 1961). That became the question at the core of what my team and I created at the setting. How do we provide relationships to children that enables them to thrive and develop to their full potential?

 Let’s look at these three ‘core conditions’ in more detail and discover how we can provide the best relationships we can to the children in our setting.

Congruence

To be congruent, we need to be genuine in our dealing with children. Being true to ourselves, being true to our personal values and this means that we are being authentic. Rogers believed that a person’s ideal self and their actual experience should be the same, or similar, to be completely congruent. However, this rarely happens, therefore most people have a certain amount of incongruity in their lives. For example, If you strongly believe that babies need to be cuddled and carried but you work in a nursery with a supervisor who disproves, you will need to stick to your values and stand up for what you think is right for you to remain congruent. Congruence with children means staying true to your values and beliefs. It means showing your true self, sometimes you are stressed, sometimes you are overwhelmed, sometimes you are tired. Children need to see that being stressed, overwhelmed or tired is part of life and by hiding these emotions and feelings away you are not showing your true self. How you ‘pick yourself off’, overcome stresses, work through feelings and achieve is a great way of role modelling to children the ups and downs of life.

Congruence is more about the naturalness, the honesty, the openness, the kind of being present and being yourself.

Point of Reflection

How congruent do you feel at your setting? Does the policies and ethos match your own personal ethos and thoughts? Are you honest, open and present when with the children?

Unconditional Positive Regard

Unconditional Positive Regard means acceptance and support for others, regardless of what the person says or does. In any profession involving work with people, anti-discriminatory practise is a guiding principle. Regardless of any personal prejudices, which everyone has, we treat people equally and with respect. It means that when we’re interacting with someone we choose to accept and think the best of them regardless of what they say or do. A powerful therapeutic tool, this is also invaluable for the adult-child relationship. 

When we adopt an unconditionally positive attitude toward our children – caring for them without trying to change them – we allow them the freedom & emotional safety to try new things, make mistakes, & take risks. We show them that whatever they do they are loved, important, and good.

Through the lens of Unconditional Positive Regard we can look at the emotions behind the behaviour being displayed. We can be there for the child, fully. The child knows that we care for them, can empathise with them, fully hear them and see them as the lovely human being that they are.

Point of reflection

Do you display Unconditional Positive regard to all the children in your setting? Do the children feel heard, seen and valued? Are they welcome to express all emotions with the understanding that there are no “bad emotions”?

Empathy

Empathy is arguably the most important of the core conditions and is usually understood as a willingness to put yourself in the position of another person. Rogers described empathy as the ‘sensitive ability and willingness to understand the clients thoughts, feeling and struggles from the clients point of view’.

Empathy is a huge academic subject that contains different types and even definitions. A great guide on Empathy and its importance in Early Years is ‘Nurturing Compassionate Connections’ by Dr Angela Hodgkins. In this book Dr Hodgkins outlines how empathy and compassion are so closely linked and how vitally important they both are to relationships in Early Years care.

In Early Years practice, this means far more than simply feeling sorry for a child. It is an active process of listening, observing, and imagining what life looks and feels like from their perspective. This involves tuning into the whole child — not just their words, but their tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and the context of their experiences.

https://www.routledge.com/Nurturing-Compassionate-Connections-A-Guide-to-Practitioner-Empathy-in-the-Early-Years/Hodgkins/p/book/9781032735351?srsltid=AfmBOopA-jDbNY5L-CqVbzHLvBIUtaqGya5I1MaEix9j6lW28Ds7bgG-

When we are truly empathetic, we respond to the underlying needs rather than just the outward behaviour. For example, if a child throws blocks across the room, an empathetic practitioner might pause to consider:

• Is this an expression of frustration?

• Is the child seeking connection or attention?

• Is this a release of energy because they’ve been sitting too long?

  
  

  By asking these questions, we shift from reacting to the behaviour to responding to the child.

Empathy also helps children feel safe enough to share their inner world. When a child knows that we will listen without judgment and that their feelings will be understood, they are more likely to open up. This emotional safety is essential for healthy development, resilience, and self-confidence.

Empathy isn’t something we switch on only in times of distress. It’s equally powerful in moments of joy and excitement. Sharing in a child’s delight when they discover a worm in the garden or proudly show you a scribbled masterpiece reinforces that we value their world and their achievements, however big or small.

Ultimately, empathy in Early Years practice is about walking alongside the child in their experiences, whether they are navigating big feelings, testing boundaries, or celebrating victories. It is about being a compassionate partner in their journey, and through that, giving them the emotional tools to understand themselves and others.

For me, Empathy is the most important skill any Early Years Practitioner can hold. To be able to understand how a 2 year old may be feeling when they enter your setting for the first time, to understand the emotions of a child who is upset and to see the reasons behind behaviours in order to support a child, etc are,  in my opinion,  more important than any certificate or degree you could possible attain. Through active listening, understanding each child on a deep level and by being fully present you are able to think deeply about what that child might be thinking and feeling. You are then in the perfect position to support them, comfort them and allow them to reach their unique full potential.

Point of Reflection

Are you helping children to identify and label their feelings? Do you slow down enough in your day to truly notice and tune into each child’s emotional state? Are you as attentive to their moments of joy as you are to their moments of distress? When you respond to behaviour, do you first try to understand the feeling driving it?

Conclusion

Adopting a Child Centred Approach inspired by Carl Rogers’ Person-Centred philosophy has transformed not only my professional practice, but also the heart of our setting. By embracing congruence, unconditional positive regard, and empathy, we create relationships rooted in trust, respect, and genuine care.

These core conditions remind us that every child is a capable, unique individual who thrives when they feel safe, valued, and understood. Our role is not to mould children into a predetermined ideal, but to nurture their journey toward becoming their truest selves.

When we show up authentically, accept them unconditionally, and seek to understand their world, we give them the confidence to explore, the resilience to overcome challenges, and the freedom to grow. In doing so, we don’t just teach – we empower.

And that, for me, is the essence of truly child-centred care.